Tumbles & Trading, Faith
We were loyal George and Mary Bailey (It's a Wonderful Life)... honest, passionate, and dependable. Like George, we had dreams of adventure, and travel, and big things. For a decade our dreams, like George's, were dashed and way-layed, many times. We were stuck, in “Bedford Falls.”
But all it takes is one phone call, one interview for a dream opportunity, and one job offer... for life to change, seemingly overnight. That is where my husband and I were, about a year ago, pre- any hint of COVID-19 talk. We were in the middle of preparing to make the biggest decision of our senior-aged lives. After 25 years of working for the same employer, to uproot and move away from everything familiar, far away to the unknown... the decision was risky, and in no way clear-cut.
For instance, what about our son? Should we move away from him? He is independent and capable, but doesn't he still need family that is a 2 1/2-hour drive away instead of 16 hours? And my husband's nearby elderly mother? How will she react to the news?
All of those questions are a part of trading, faith. Dealing with the hard questions. Trading, faith in the comfortable for faith, in the unknown. It is the transition time between the decision and the settling. Like a high-flying trapeze artist, risky flying from one swinging bar to the next. It is the space between letting go and grasping the next bar that takes faith.
The 6-week time frame it took for our 14-year-old house to sell will be hard to ever forget. It is etched in my brain. We spent hours and days making it "museum-ready." To sell quickly, we chose an asking price 20k lower than what the optimistic realtor suggested. It NEEDED to sell, fast. But days turned into weeks. And weeks turned into questions. Why were there no offers whatsoever on the house?
I am always quick to blame myself, for anything. So blame myself is what I did for the house not selling. Surely there was too much of my essence in the house. We cleared it of personal items, and we cut down a spruce tree. We did everything, short of a major renovation of the house. We lowered the price, twice. Still, no offer or interest. I couldn't help but wonder, "Is a half-cross-country move not in our best interests, after all?"
Crazy faith is never easy. The moment you believe anything is possible, Mr. Unpredictable sneaks in. During all of our uncertainty and upheaval, through a series of uncanny circumstances, I accidentally happened upon a secret my husband was keeping.
In other words, months before the job offer ever came our way, there was a fine line or fissure in our relationship, of which I was unaware. To grasp the bigger picture, in childhood, it was ingrained that family secrets were to be kept secret; and, keeping secrets from others, no matter what, was king. In the midst of severe dysfunction, secret-keeping patterns scar a child, basically for life.
So now, the polar opposite, to be genuine, honest, and transparent... is my motto. To the extreme. It may be right, or it may be wrong... but the best way for my husband to hit below the belt is to keep a secret from me, even if it is a quirky financial faux-pas. He hid it.
In the midst of change and chaos, that fine-line financial secret turned into an insurmountable wall of lost trust and betrayal. I was angry. "Our relationship is not honest. The house isn't selling. As far as I am concerned, the move is off."
I was in the pit. In the depths of despair. Numb and distraught. It felt like my skull was cracking. Like we were making the biggest mistake of our lives. Faith.Was.Off.
So, how did we get from there to where we are now? Soundly married. House, sold... and finely situated in a comfortable new one? It took guts and brutal honesty, to break relational paralysis, on both our parts. We bravely communicated. Add an undeserved miracle or two to the equation, and this story is a profession of God's faithfulness. We love each other so much, we tolerate our idiosyncrasies; if something is important to either of us, we compromise.
Our son is now engaged to be married, so our particular concern for him is working out. And, a few months ago, during the initial peak of the COVID-19 virus, Mom was in the perfect care of two other siblings, for travel, and into the safety of small-town Kansas for weeks. Both situations were taken care of, better than we ever could have hoped for or prayed. Amazingly, those two concerns melted away, as well as many others.
Walking in faith means that tumbles will likely happen. With perseverance, cautious help from a listening and safe close friend (or two), plus faith in the One who created the universe, healing of relational paralysis and other miracles can happen.
Because of COVID-19, we have basically been trapped on Gilligan’s Island together, living in a foreign land, in a two-story hut, for 10 weeks. Isn’t it nice to be in isolation with someone I love to like, and like to love.
But all it takes is one phone call, one interview for a dream opportunity, and one job offer... for life to change, seemingly overnight. That is where my husband and I were, about a year ago, pre- any hint of COVID-19 talk. We were in the middle of preparing to make the biggest decision of our senior-aged lives. After 25 years of working for the same employer, to uproot and move away from everything familiar, far away to the unknown... the decision was risky, and in no way clear-cut.
For instance, what about our son? Should we move away from him? He is independent and capable, but doesn't he still need family that is a 2 1/2-hour drive away instead of 16 hours? And my husband's nearby elderly mother? How will she react to the news?
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| Low-flying trapeze guy |
The 6-week time frame it took for our 14-year-old house to sell will be hard to ever forget. It is etched in my brain. We spent hours and days making it "museum-ready." To sell quickly, we chose an asking price 20k lower than what the optimistic realtor suggested. It NEEDED to sell, fast. But days turned into weeks. And weeks turned into questions. Why were there no offers whatsoever on the house?
I am always quick to blame myself, for anything. So blame myself is what I did for the house not selling. Surely there was too much of my essence in the house. We cleared it of personal items, and we cut down a spruce tree. We did everything, short of a major renovation of the house. We lowered the price, twice. Still, no offer or interest. I couldn't help but wonder, "Is a half-cross-country move not in our best interests, after all?"
Crazy faith is never easy. The moment you believe anything is possible, Mr. Unpredictable sneaks in. During all of our uncertainty and upheaval, through a series of uncanny circumstances, I accidentally happened upon a secret my husband was keeping.
In other words, months before the job offer ever came our way, there was a fine line or fissure in our relationship, of which I was unaware. To grasp the bigger picture, in childhood, it was ingrained that family secrets were to be kept secret; and, keeping secrets from others, no matter what, was king. In the midst of severe dysfunction, secret-keeping patterns scar a child, basically for life.
So now, the polar opposite, to be genuine, honest, and transparent... is my motto. To the extreme. It may be right, or it may be wrong... but the best way for my husband to hit below the belt is to keep a secret from me, even if it is a quirky financial faux-pas. He hid it.
In the midst of change and chaos, that fine-line financial secret turned into an insurmountable wall of lost trust and betrayal. I was angry. "Our relationship is not honest. The house isn't selling. As far as I am concerned, the move is off."
I was in the pit. In the depths of despair. Numb and distraught. It felt like my skull was cracking. Like we were making the biggest mistake of our lives. Faith.Was.Off.
So, how did we get from there to where we are now? Soundly married. House, sold... and finely situated in a comfortable new one? It took guts and brutal honesty, to break relational paralysis, on both our parts. We bravely communicated. Add an undeserved miracle or two to the equation, and this story is a profession of God's faithfulness. We love each other so much, we tolerate our idiosyncrasies; if something is important to either of us, we compromise.
Our son is now engaged to be married, so our particular concern for him is working out. And, a few months ago, during the initial peak of the COVID-19 virus, Mom was in the perfect care of two other siblings, for travel, and into the safety of small-town Kansas for weeks. Both situations were taken care of, better than we ever could have hoped for or prayed. Amazingly, those two concerns melted away, as well as many others.
Walking in faith means that tumbles will likely happen. With perseverance, cautious help from a listening and safe close friend (or two), plus faith in the One who created the universe, healing of relational paralysis and other miracles can happen.
Because of COVID-19, we have basically been trapped on Gilligan’s Island together, living in a foreign land, in a two-story hut, for 10 weeks. Isn’t it nice to be in isolation with someone I love to like, and like to love.
(Matthew 9, The Bible)
Jesus heals the paralyzed man
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